Sunday, April 10, 2011

My Week As A Single Mom- Day 3 Highlights

Well, we survived the weekend! As per her usual MO, Skye redeemed her cute little butt off by being wonderful all day. Kaia was rather fabulous herself, though if Jabiz asks, I will martyr myself from here to next year! No, not really….well, maybe really, given the fact that he is out seeing Bob Dylan live in Ho Chi Minh City tonight. Which, you know, is ALMOST as much work as taking care of two kids under the age of five by yourself for a week....

Anyway, here are the highlights from Day #3:

• Reveled in the fact that ONCE AGAIN my kids slept past dawn and required me to only drink two cups of coffee instead of my usual weekend amount, which is…too insane to admit.

* Video Skype- chatted with my parents, which 1.) entertained the kids, 2.) gave us an activity that last A FULL HOUR, and as an added bonus, 3.) provided some much-needed grown-up voices in the house. I am once again bowing down to the Technology Gods and all that they do which is right and good.

• Found out that one of my friends had mixed up her weekend plans and was, indeed, free today to get together, as was another of our friends. Cue to the scene of me joyfully weeping tears of gratitude , and believe me, I wish that sentence sounded less pathetic just as much as you do.

• Since the weather was finally Not Raining (there are only two kinds of weather in Jakarta: Raining or Not Raining), decided to check out a new playground that I’ve been dying to go to, as I’ve been hearing rumors of this mythical place that is outside, has actual playground equipment PLUS a water feature, and is not ridiculously overpriced.

• Arrived at the playground and became the subject of much gossip and speculation as I fell to the ground crying, “I’ve found you! I've found you! Finally, I’ve found you!” while rubbing my cheek lovingly against the spongy ground. At least, that is how it happened in my head, but in reality I managed to maintain my (questionable) cool.

• Realized that Skye is 19 months old and has NEVER been on a swing, and that sentence alone could make a compelling case against me for child abuse. This realization was compounded by the fact that when I tried to put her in the adorable bucket swing, she freaked out and kicked her legs, clearly not having any idea about the newfangled contraption into which I was attempting to put her.

Fast forward 10 minutes when she was in the swing, throwing her head back and screaming, “Wheeee!” as I pushed her dutifully.

Fast forward 45 minutes, when we were still in the EXACT SAME SCENARIO, because it turns out that to Skyelar, swinging is the greatest activity in the history of the world and there was NO WAY that she was getting off that swing without a good fight. I figured that the kid had about a year’s worth of swinging to make up for, so I did my best to avoid making eye contact with the parents of the other kids who were waiting to go on the swing and just kept on pushing. Yes, I know- I was THAT parent, and usually I hate THAT parent, too, but in this situation, I just didn't care.

• Briefly thought about emailing Playhouse Disney to gently suggest that maybe-just maybe- they might consider making some new episodes of their shows, because if I have to watch the same episode of Mickey Mouse Playhouse or Special Agent Oso ONE MORE TIME, I just may lose my effing mind. Seriously, they have, like, five episodes of each show that they play over and over. Or at least it sure seems that way, because Kaia can recite most of them word-for-word and her memory is not THAT good, nor do we watch THAT much television. And believe me, Special Agent Oso, I GET IT- in order to wrap a present, you get some paper, put it around the gift and slap on some tape (otherwise known as the Three Special Steps). And as much as I enjoy the giddy anticipation of seeing if he will be able to finish wrapping that gift with only TEN seconds left on the clock, I hope I never, ever see that episode again. No, no- EVER! Just in case I wasn’t emphatic enough about that.

** People who don’t have kids or the Playhouse Disney channel will think that I am a raving lunatic right about now, but those with the above mentioned will totally get me. Not only will they get me, but at some point during the reading of the paragraph, the words, “You say it, sister!” will have escaped their mouths.

• Was positive that Kaia was asleep, so went into the bedroom to turn of the bedside lamp that she apparently can’t go to sleep without. Almost had a heart attack when SHE WAS NOT IN THE BED AND THERE WAS NO SIGN OF HER. ANYWHERE. Frantically started searching the room and checking the windows for signs of intrusion, but still no sign of her. Was just about to have a complete and total freak-out when I heard rustling and giggling coming from the clothes hamper. Yes, that is correct, in case you thought that you’d heard me wrong- the CLOTHES HAMPER. Where she’d been for god-only-knows how long, with the lid down. I opened it, and she just looked up at me and said, “Any questions?”. Seriously? Seriously. Who the hell is raising this kid? Oh, wait…

And so ends Day #3, and I am off to start preparing for Skye’s first day of school tomorrow. These preparations will include meditating, positive affirmations about my ability to handle what will no doubt be a LOUD, traumatic and embarrassing situation, and pleading with the universe for leniency. But she is going to look SO freaking cute in her little uniform that it will be worth it. I hope.

Good night!

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