Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Really Fabulous Way to NOT Start Your Vacation...

The signs are all over the freaking house: Watch out! Tiles are VERY slippery when wet!

I read them. I even believed them. What I did not do, apparently, was heed them. Now, this was not done on purpose, but let me tell you that the way to spend Day Three of your tropical Thailand vacation is NOT in agonizing pain, followed by nausea and dizziness, and then in MORE agonizing pain. Just take my word on that. I know that of which I speak.

The morning began innocently enough- I was grumping around the house whining that there is NO COFFEE and I NEED MY COFFEE, damn it! As one does on vacation. Well, at least most people I know.  Anyway, my husband offered to go out and get me a latte because he loves me and cares only about my happiness was sick of listening to me complain. Kaia jumped at the chance to go with him, and Skye was to stay with me.

I should also mention here Skye's awesome new habit of being a complete and total Mummy's Girl. What does that mean, you ask? It means that if anyone but me is near her, touching her, holding her, or attending to any of her needs, she shrieks at the top of her inexhaustible lungs. Did I say that this new habit is awesome? Oh, wait, sorry- I mean that it kind of sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love her more than anything, but when I'm going to bed with arms so sore that I can barely lift them because her only acceptable form of transportation is being carried by ME, I'd like a brief respite, for god's sake.

On the plus side, though, I no longer have to pay any attention to my arms when working out. Now I can focus solely on my abs that will sadly never recover from the joys of childbirth.


With Jabiz and Kaia out of the house, I decided that RIGHT THEN was the perfect time to take a shower. Not when they came back, but right then. I have no idea, but it all made sense at the time.

So, I did what a responsible parent would do, and locked the patio doors leading to the pool, lest my pint-size Wunderkind suddenly possess the ability to pry open heavy patio doors and wander out into the pool area unattended. Hey, it could happen. Couldn't it? Let's just say it could, if only to make me feel like slightly less of an idiot.

Long story short, I set Skye up with an Elmo video on our bed where I could see her, hopped in the shower and decided that deep conditioning my hair was another fantastic idea. To be fair, if you had seen my hair, you would have totally agreed with me. Underestimating the speed with which a latte can be made in Thai Time, I found that Jabiz and Kaia came back sooner than expected. I found this as I was standing in the shower with deep conditioner still in my hair.

What to do? Well, I did what any sane person would  do and quickly rinsed my hair and then grabbed a towel  before going out to unlock the door sprinted out of the shower, with conditioner still in my hair, water dripping everywhere and NO TOWEL. Because apparently Jabiz and Kaia would have died if they had to wait on the patio for two minutes. Or so I thought.

Running to unlock the door, what I did NOT count on was the sight of the pool guy servicing the pool right in front of the house. I turned in an immediate attempt to flee in the other direction and go back to the bathroom to grab a towel, and that is when I slipped on the wet tile.

And fell. Hard. Right on my elbow and my wrist. It was more RIGHT on my elbow, and I'm still not 100% sure how my wrist came into it, but it did, because it hurt like an effing mofo.

I probably shouldn't mention that the patio doors are tinted so that people outside cannot see in, but I will, only because I had no idea about that feature until I was lying on the floor, screaming in pain, and Jabiz was pressing his face up against the door, calling, "Mairin? Are you in there?"

I swear to god.

After I was able to pick myself up and unlock the damn door, I stumbled back into the bedroom, howling at the top of my lungs and clutching my injured arm. Then I simultaneously felt both dizzy and nauseous, and five minutes later found me lying on the bathroom floor, moaning in pain and having several thoughts at the same time:

Do I need to go to the hospital? Will I need X-rays? Crap.

What if I have to wear a cast and can't go in the water for the rest of the summer? Crap.

It's my right arm, what if I can't write or type? Crap.

How much did I just scar the kids with my display of dramatics? Crap.

And so on, and so on. Finally, I was able to get back into the shower to rinse the conditioner OUT of my hair, and I figured that since I could move my elbow and wrist, and nothing was swelling out of control, I'd give it a few hours before heading to the hospital. Anyone who has ever spent ANY time at all waiting around a hospital with two little kids will not only understand my decision, but applaud it.

Tonight I am happy to report that my wrist does not hurt at all anymore, and my elbow is still sore, but I can move it. I was even able to carry Skye around in the pool all afternoon, though I was NOT able to throw her up in the air 1,000 times in a row, which is something that she really, really enjoys.

So, what lesson did I really learn from all this? I have no idea, because truth be told, I'd probably do the same thing over again, but I DID spend the entire afternoon screaming, "No running! No running! Seriously, DO NOT RUN ON THAT FLOOR!" so I guess I must have learned something.

I'm really hoping that the rest of this "vacation" is less eventful...


  1. Very funny Mairin. I can picture the commotion and your girls wondering "why is mommy running around naked on the slippery floor, did she not see the signs?"

    Glad to hear all is well. Enjoy the rest of the break. Hope you enjoyed the latté. Thanks for sharing and the laugh.


  2. Yeah, Rod, no problem! I have to admit, though, that pretty much the extent of the reaction from the kids was Skye wandering into the bathroom, pointing at me and saying, "Mama, ouchie", then leaving. She and Kaia then proceeded to look at me, then look at each other and shrug, as if saying, "What's with the crazy lady? Eh, what are you going to do?" and went back to Elmo.

    So, at least I know that this won't be brought up in future therapy sessions, but seriously? A LITTLE more sympathy would have been nice...

    Hope you guys are enjoying YOUR vacation!